Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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