My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
