We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up under a house in Key West
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