Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
