Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
