im drinking this country out of the recession.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
