I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
