I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
