I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
