great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
