I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
