My sheets look like a crime scene.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
