thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
