Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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