Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
