I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
