I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
