I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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