What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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