Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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