I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
