dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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