Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
