In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
