I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
