so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
