I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
