My room smells like vodka and shame
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
