Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
