accomplished twins. life is a go
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
