It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
