I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
