BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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