I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
