Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
