How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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