Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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