you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
