he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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