Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
