let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
