I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
