I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
