I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
