He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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