Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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