so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
