Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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