May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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