Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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