I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
